I was almost happy, pushing my way through life, all confused about what I wanted. Maybe I had never put much brains to where I was heading to. My love life was non-existent, though I was trying my best to “find” someone worthy of my time and feelings. At the same time, I wanted to accomplish a few goals and be financially settled before I fell in love. What I didn’t know was that I can’t control everything, especially the bird called fate. I had been working on my first job for over a year. Even though I had learnt a lot from it, I knew this was not what I wanted to do. By the time I was about to finish two years, I started searching for a new job. Lucky that I was, I managed to find something that piqued my interest. As I was about to switch to the new job, the anxiety inside me started to crop up — maybe because I was going to a new place amidst new people. Thanks to the ever supportive team, I was able to adjust to the new environment within no time.
One fine day as I was rushing through the office stairs I collided with Naman. He worked in the IT department and had all the ladies in the office drooling over his good looks and charm. I had never interacted with him because I didn’t find any need to, plus I thought of him to be too arrogant. I quickly moved back and apologised for my mistake. He stood there looking at me sheepishly and grinning from ear to ear. “Pleasure”, was all he could say.
I didn’t have time for his tittle-tattle and started walking towards my workplace. Gradually, we got to see each other a lot. Sometimes at the stairs, sometimes at the cafeteria. Naman was friends with some of my teammates so we ended up hanging out a lot. There was no doubt about his being handsome but what impressed me was his humble nature (yes I was wrong about it initially). It didn’t take him more than a month to change my impression about him. A kind-hearted person from the word go, now I knew why all the girls were gaga over this curly haired guy. I had started to enjoy his presence and he, in turn, made sure (at least it seemed like it) that he was at his wittiest best around me. I never knew that someone could make me so happy and comfortable. I was at ease around him, sans all the barriers. There were a lot of times in the past where I had denied myself the simple pleasures that life had to offer, I didn’t want to repeat those mistakes again. I wanted to be free and not trapped in the shackles of right and wrong.
It was during the time of our office Diwali party that I sensed something was brewing between a colleague of mine, Ritu and Naman. I don’t know why but just seeing them together made me green with envy. Not wanting to spoil the festive mood, I distanced myself from the two. Throughout the party, I tried my best not to be anywhere near Naman. Though he tried talking to me, I found a reason to get away from him each time. Somewhere I felt scared. I knew that I had started to fall for him and unfortunately I had no control over what was happening. Being the stubborn person that I am I decided to still do my bit in getting hold of my feelings and throwing them out of the window. That night after I reached home, Naman tried calling me. I thought it is better to not take his calls. I tried my best to sleep but couldn’t. I wanted to call him back but I didn’t.
The next day, I forced myself to get out of the bed and get ready for work. As I entered the office, I came to know about something that shook the ground beneath my feet. Apparently, Ritu had eloped with her longtime boyfriend. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to cry. I must have been blind to not see the chemistry and comfort Naman and Ritu shared. As I rushed out of my office area I collided into someone I had least expected to be there. Naman was standing right in front of me, wearing the same sky blue kurta pyjama he was wearing yesterday. On seeing him, my anger knew no bounds. I brushed past him but he got hold of my arms and turned me to face him. “I was trying to call you yesterday, why didn’t you take my calls?”, he asked. I was on the verge of tears but oblivious he went on, “Ritu and her boyfriend wanted a place to stay safe for the night. I knew you lived alone so I tried calling you but you wouldn’t pick.” This was the best news that I had in the 24 years of my life. My heart somersaulted in joy and I jumped to hug him tightly. Realising what I was doing, I extricated myself from the embrace and apologised for not picking up his call. He just stood there arms around my waist, looking into my eyes and before I could realise I could feel his lips on mine.
Maybe whatever happened it was in the moment. He apologised for his behaviour which in turn drifted us apart. I wanted to tell him about my feelings, how much I loved him but his apologising only meant that it was all in the heat of the moment and he felt nothing for me. I thought it is better to stay away from him. He must have sensed this discomfort and from there on maintained his distance from me. I missed his presence and the way he made me feel. It was increasingly getting difficult for me to work at the same place as him, seeing him the whole day but not being able to say what I felt. This gnawing pain was not letting me do anything at work. Finally, I decided to switch to another job. During my spare time in the office, I would search and apply for jobs.
One day as I was preparing myself for bed my phone beeped and my heart skipped a beat. It was Naman’s text saying that he was standing outside my building and wanted to talk to me. His eyes lit up momentarily as I came. “Are you changing the job because of me?”, he asked. I didn’t have an answer. “I had apologised for my behaviour, sorry that I couldn’t control myself. Yes, I have feelings for you but I promise I would never make you feel awkward ever again. I will stay as far… “ Before he could complete the sentence I was kissing him. As I withdrew myself, I could see a much adorable, confused Naman. It took time for him to realise what just happened but once he did, we were out in the open kissing each other in the streetlight. We confessed our feelings for each other and that was the end to all our misunderstandings.
Six months after, we moved in together. It’s is so therapeutic to have him in my life. Naman made me feel at peace with myself. He is the warm hug I ever wanted, the loving caress that puts me to sleep, the protective blanket that warms me, the home I ever wanted.
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